Well, someone wiser than me gave me an instant response to the asshair problem after I sent my blog address to her:

Shadowseeker (15:52) :
let me tell you what asshairs are good for
Shadowseeker (15:52) :
I let someone shave me compleeeeeetely everywhere once. (everyone has asshairs)
Shadowseeker (15:53) :
without asshairs: buttwiping is much more difficult because there is much more friction
also, walking is unpleasant because your butt rubs together with greater friction.
Shadowseeker (15:53) :
that is all.
Shadowseeker (15:53) :
I would recommend trimming your asshairs as I have never had any of these problems you have, so i presume yours are longer.
Wic (15:55) :
I think I'll cut and paste that to my next blog entry if you don't mind
Shadowseeker (15:55) :
feel free.
Shadowseeker (15:55) :
just don't give me TOO MUCH credit.

Asshair shaving. That was one thing I didn't want to know about women. Just stay the hell away from my razor...
Anyway, yeah. My hairs are at least one inch long. They're also black, so they're very visible. Trimming sounds like a good solution, except I can't really do it by myself, and I really don't have that good friend who I would have balls to ask if she or he would trim my ass. It'd have to be a girlfriend, but I don't have a girlfriend, nor do I know how intimate she'd like to get with my butt. So I think I keep on wiping.

But at least we got a good hypothesis why human kind has asshairs... To reduce friction when walking or wiping! Splendid!