Mario

Lately I have been thinking about Mario. I mean, how gullible that guy is? Over the years, the princess has always been kidnapped by Bowser. And every time Mario has managed to save her, thanks to a fortress that somehow is usually always passable by Mario. You'd think the guy would have been at least a little suspicious by now.

I think the princess is the mastermind behind this all. She's totally playing with Mario, no pun intended. I recon it's always HER castle Mario 'saves' her from. Where would a monster toad get a castle, anyway? She's the princess here for effin' sake! Yeah, I know Bowser is called 'king of koopas', but still I can't picture him having a castle.

So princess Peach gets herself 'kidnapped' by Bowser who takes her into the castle. Mario fights his way in, because that's what men do. Were the castle impassable by him, he'd just call the cops or blow his way in. Were he to do that, he'd find out what Peach and Bowser have been up to all this time.

An affair.

That's right, kiddos. Just count 1+1. Both are royals, whereas Mario is a lowly plumber. I don't think he can compare to Bowser's monster cock, either. Where do you think Bowser Jr. came from? I haven't seen Mrs Bowser anywhere.

Princess Peach is a sly character. Every time Mario saves her, he's filled up with so much testosterone and manly success he can't even smell the scent of King Koopa on Peach's skin. Mario hauls the princess away, she winks and waves at the 'defeated' Bowser, "Until next time, big boy."

Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just simply settle down with Bowser? Well, that's because he isn't husband material. It's been scientifically proven that women breed with the bad boys for their good genes, but marry the good guys because of their security. Bad boys have a habit of beating up their chicks and kids, so it's better to let the good guys to raise them. Mario is husband material, Bowser is breeding material. It's the best for her to keep them both.

Bowser Jr. seems to continue his father's bad habits. It smells like incest, but that's what royals do.

After Eight

I remember being at a cafeteria's dirty men's room. On the wall, there was a condom dispenser called "After Nine". First I thought that maybe having impromptu sex in men's room wasn't a myth after all. Then I thought how handy it was to have a condom dispenser in men's room; it's just like made of shy guys. I had also heard warnings on how weak such condoms are.

But the name itself was somehow familiar. So was the font. And the logo. Then it dawned on me; After Eight chocolate.

I thought it was funny, even after the obvious copyright issues. After eight you feed her chocolate and a hour later, after nine, a condom covered penis.

When I left the room I found myself thinking on how many men have brought their loves a pack of condoms instead of a pack of chocolate? And how many of them have slept alone because of that simple mistake.

And somewhere, hundreds miles away, a lonely poet raises a skull and asks; rubber or chocolate? That is the question.

Bras in space

Yeah, so... I guess you don't need bras in space... No gravity.

Speaking of which, some wacky man has made a record on unhooking the most bras in one minute. I want to make a record like that. Like the most breasts groped in a minute.

Today's aforism

Men fart, women just let the noise come out from the other end.

Ode to trolling

- "What say you?" is the instant reaction from mr. or mrs. Narrowminded when they realize that I think trolls are very important in the internet.

- "They're the disease of all internet forums!" says the Internet Sysop.

- "They make us mad!" scream the users of those internet forums.

- "Do not look at my finger, look at the moon im pointing at." Buddha would say.
I also prefer the Confucius' version of it "When a wise man points at the moon, an idiot looks at the finger." Or the internet version, "A man points at the moon but the dog only licks the finger."

Quite alot of ancient wise men have said the same thing, mostly to men. Some feminist would say it's because of male supremacy that regarded women unfit for philosophy. Maybe so, but do you really think women have any need of 'finger pointing at the moon' and the Socrates' method? Only men need to learn those things. Women are mostly so versatile in conversation and social culture they don't need any old bearded man tell them how to do it. That shit is encoded in their second X chromosome or something!

Right, so where was I? Oh yea. Keeping the moon and the finger in the mind, it's quite obvious the finger is the troll. The troll is pointing at your own insecurities, and you get mad because they're exposed to the world, and worse, to yourself. Instead of going to yourself and working on the insecurities to make yourself stronger, you blame the finger, not the moon. You want to throw the teacher outside the class. You're like a child, thinking the teacher is evil because she wants you to eat your broccoli. You don't understand that you feel emotional pain for a reason.

Look at the moon, you idiot! Why do you get so mad? If you really were what you claim to be, you'd know how to handle opposing information correctly. Don't shield it by bans and whining. Go on, FEED the troll, no matter what they're saying! If you ignore the troll, you ignore the problem. Problems are supposed to be solved. Converse with the troll, have some practice. This is internet afterall, nobody REALLY cares what you say. Who knows, you might one day meet a hatemonger that really opposes you. Armed with the training with the troll and your own new-found intelligent you'll be the one who makes the smart-ass cry before you. Then you can have your shits and giggles instead of the troll.

It does not matter are the trolls 12 year old kids doing it for shits and giggles. To me, they're the Dark Riders of the Internet, doing the thing other people hate because it is needed. They take the bullets so you wouldn't be brainwashed and needlessly nurtured by like-minded thinking. Thank the trolls, because of them, you ain't a sheep.

Motivational poster

Keep that in mind when you read this blog.

I made it, feel free to share and feel free to slap it on forums next time someone says something that bases on some dumb blog or wikipedia.

Bigger picture.

Moral code

I remember when in school, we were doing "ten commandments", rules for our school. My stinky, strange but utterly wise aleck schoolmate said you actually need only one rule: Don't do anything stupid. It was meant as a joke, perhaps, but it makes alot of sense and I have taken it as my own moral code.

It's a simple rule, and very easy to follow. The sentence is in present tense. But in the very present, nobody ever does anything stupid intentionally. Mistakes are noticed afterwards, you do what you do now because you think it's a good idea. It needs more morals behind it to work, of course. But personalities and even morals can change with age and experience and they're very subjective. The rule "don't do anything stupid" never needs to change, and can be applied to every human being, because you can't go against it.

The rule can be also understood in future-tense, in which case it warns to not to do anything stupid in the future. That shows the fallibility of all moral codes; what is always certain that sometimes in the future you will screw up something, somehow, no matter how careful you are.

A constant, global moral code that cannot be broken or is already broken and moot, depending how you view it. I like that.