Question: Exactly how much sex and violence you can pump into one game?
Answer: Bloodrayne 2.

I haven't played it much, only a few hours. Anyway... The plot? Kill the whole bloodline of the vampire who killed your family, who also happens to be your father. In otherwords... Kill everything which moves.

Pros: Sex and violence. Moves and graphics.
Cons: Repetitive, straight forward, gets boring easily, some bosses are harder than the bosses you will meet later on and you can only save when a chapter ends.

I'll update this later.

Sundays suck. Except now it's monday. I have been up all night, because im so PISSED OFF!
For no reason of course.

So to let off some steam, im going to bitch about Iron Chef.

That show sucks ass. How come all the guys representing china, japan, FRANCE and ITALY are all asian? Sure, it's just for the different styles, but gee. The population of asian chefs in France must be like ten. Quite a coincidance to have one of them in Iron Chef. If that's coincidance at all... Japan wants just to prove that they have the best cooks ever.

My ass they are. I'd take an italian cook over an asian chef anytime. Secondly... The Iron Chefs and challengers have like 50 happy helpers helping them, in otherwords doing the crappy job for them, while they act like Santa, doing all the nice work like putting the food on the plates. The helpers are running around like madmen, and what the main chefs do? They taste the food and look like they have all the time in the world. And in the end, they get all the credit.

And then in the beginning where the owner walks like the king of the world and takes a big bite out of a green pepper... It's just... I don't know. Ridiculous. Shameful. Awful. Sometimes I wish the guy would choke on that pepper. And I swear his hair is a wig.

Oh, and for the record, im a cook. The job sucks, it's definitely not anything like you see on TV. But if I have to point out one show, I gotta say Jamie's Kitchen is pretty much close to the truth. Except they never do the dishes in that show. When you're a cook, you cook 20% of your time, and wash the dishes for the rest of the time.

I hate those 'cons. Fucking animecons, otakucons, mangacons, connecticons and shit. Just excuses for my favorite artists to stop updating their webcomic and skip out for the weekend.

Goddamnit. I need my entertainment! And I need it NOW!

Im sick of reading your stupid fillers/guests strips which are CRAP!

The lack of inspiration... Filler weeks, bad Piro days, whatEVER! Excuses, excuses! You should meditate, reach for the higher power, become one with inspiration and art! Talk to the ultimate goddess of art and inspiration! Your muse! And not to slack off! DAMNIT!

At least Achewood never does this to me. Good boy, Chris. Good boy!

The dog still lives. We didn't kill it yesterday. The bastard has been so cheery and active that we just couldn't do it.

But enough of that. I think we, no, what am I saying, I meant I need to something to this blog. Clearly, nobody cares a shit about those game reviews. I think what people are looking for in this blog are posts like those two first posts I made. About bizarre things. With some philosophy.

So, I think... Yes, I think it's time to talk about shit. Not just any kind of shit, I meant the orginal, pure shit. The stuff which comes from your shit hole.

Here's my claim; I think shit is seriously underrated and the last thing we should do to it, is to flush it away.

And now I hear someone say "What the hell man, shit is waste!". But is it really waste? How do you know we know what animals eat? Do you really think someone has just spied them 24/7 to know what they eat? No way. They studied their shit. Shit shows us what we have eaten. Shit is the proof of our food culture, our feeding habits. But instead of saving our shit for the future generations, we just flush it away. That's not right.

Now think how much shit unites us. Everybody eats, everybody shits. Whites, blacks, asians, talibans, squirrels, rabbits and even worms. Shit is our common language. In italy, they eat pasta. In Ireland and Finland, we eat potatoes. In Russia, they eat soup. Arabians eat... I don't know what they eat. Sand and oil? We eat different kind of food, but we all shit. And that shit is the same shit than everybody elses. Russian shit is the same shit like American shit. Shit is something which brings us all together.

And yet, we are so cruel we just throw the shit away, we hate shit. Why we hate shit? We should just put all the mankind's shit together, into a huge mountain and then all nations should dance around it like it'd be a christmas tree. Because the shit is holy. The shit is common. The shit is for us all.

My friend said it'd be a good idea to teach you guys to curse in Kamilaroi. It's some Australian Bohemian language, or something.

Thaa-rri - To cum (copulate)
Guna - Shit
Thun - Penis
Wamba - Stupid
Burru - Testicles
Mala - Vagina
Yanggal - Pussy
Nhuwi yanggal - Stinking pussy

So next time you see an Australian woman, shake your fist at her and shout "Nhuwi yanggal, nhuwi yanggal!"

Ghuna thun.

The dog still lives. Apparently we have to wait until tuesday. He has cheered up though, and the tumor isn't bleeding anymore.

In other news, Dungeon Siege 2 review:

This Dungeon Siege 2 is a joke.
Microsoft apparently falls below itself again.
NWN's graphics are way much better.
And then in those GREAT cutscenes the camera always zooms close to the characters or their faces, where you can see how ugly they are and that there's no lipsync.
So it just gets zoomed close to the face so you can watch how the guy just nods and waves in the wind with his mouth closed at the same time when somebody talks the character's lines behind the scenes.
And FUCKING OPENING CUTSCENE because I just cracked up when watching it again. That fucking dragon seriously rapes something which looks like a treasure chest, but is supposed to be somekind of transportation device.
Maybe I should play more so I can REVIEW this game for you.

Doesn't look too good.
Well it seems to have some improvements compared to the first Dungeon Siege.
Like sharing experience.
So some nature mage doesn't have to do the attacking.
And autocasts.
Which means you get two spells per character in the spellbook to cast them whenever needed.
Interesting.
They have made changing skills even harder than what it was in Dungeon Siege 1.
So basically you can put each character only one skill to use, and then you just move somewhere and hope that the skill you chose is actually useful when killing something.
But then all those things you need maybe once in a half of hour they've put to shortcuts. Like those strange powers you can use once in 30 mins, so you really wouldn't need shortcuts for them.
And I bet if I look up a review I'll find out that Microsoft has bought them all and gets full points everywhere.
Surprise.
9 for graphics.
Yeah, no.
Maybe last century.
And the gameplay leaves alot to be desired.
You control one character at a time and the others work "automatically" when you don't control them. But still they don't attack before you attack, even if some monster would rape their legs.
And then you have different strategic commands what you can use to tell your party members should they all attack at one monster at a time, or should one party member to attack one monster.
So if you have one monster on the screen and you have that option on so each party member would search for their own targer or something, so there you whack the monster while the others just stand and watch and don't help you although they wouldn't have anything else to do.
And when you don't have any mana left, and you have a spell selected you simply can't attack. (You have only one attack button, the right button of the mouse and with left mouse button is used only for moving. So you just can't attack with a melee weapon or anything unless you have the weapon selected instead of a spell.)
And of course when I have a mage as a main character and I control it, and if I lose my mana and can't attack, the other party members don't attack either.
But THAT'S NOT ALL. If you move with the selected character, then all the other characters follow you. Which basically means that if you try to move futher with a mage to cast a spell, the other party members will quit fighting and follow the mage with the monsters chasing them and beating their backs.

The voice acting is terrible.
At least five times taller giant prepares to swing the main character with a frikking big sword and then some party member says "Look out." with a very lame and boring tone.

That was a cutscene of course.
And for some reason im still playing this,
I suppose I should give it somekind of chance.
Especially when I have nothing else to play.

Oh my god.
In the beginning of the game you can keep only 2 party members because some WARRIOR'S GUILD is keeping watch all over the world that you can't have more FRIENDS unless you pay them to get a THIRD PARTY MEMBER! And that costs more IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN TWO FRIENDS!
Seriously, can you make up any more retarded excuse for that?
Well it didn't say they watch, but according to the guild's rules you should pay.
But I suppose they watch so nobody goes over two members' groups anywhere unless you have paid 50 million to them.

Ohkay.
The bleeding of my dog has been awful. Half of his fur is in blood. He smells of blood. And there's some nasty thing hanging from his lip. We tried to call to two vets today to put the dog in sleep, but none of then answered. We will try again later this afternoon.

The dog looks miserable.

Next tuesday, 23.8.2005 my dog is going to die.

He has been suffering from an agressive cancer. The tumor is on his right upper lip, making it impossible to remove it, unless removing the whole lip. It has grown fast, and is now bleeding. The dog is now 12-13 years old shetland's sheepdog, so he wouldn't have much to time to left, even without the cancer. Maybe a year.

It was a hard decision... But it's for the best. No dog or a human should suffer.

What? You guys want an update? Okay, fine.

You know, this blog of mine still isn't on Google. It has been what, a week or two since I reported it? I suppose I shouldn't complain, because a friend of mine said that her blog still isn't on Google, and it has been three YEARS. I understand that the google bot(s) has a huge load of pages to crawl through, especially when it's said that every second one blog is born. Then think how many webpages in general is born each second. But three whole years? Nothing justifies that.

Oh fuck this, im going to sleep.

Okay, boys and girls. Today and maybe tomorrow and day after that, we talk about GAMES. In matter of fact, my friend has a habit ICQing me an in-depth review of a game he has played through. So, im going to share these bits of wisdom with you guys... I'll just have to translate the ICQ messages to english. Anyway, here you go, Riddick: Escape From Butcher's Bay review:

Short, but good. It was a very well balanced game between sneaking, shooting and doing quests to people. Oh well, actually there were only one questing part, where there was this fighting ring and stuff. Maybe I would've liked it more if there were more of those quests, but then again, quests like "get my glasses" didn't really fit to Riddick's personality. The game was movie like and not a FPS. Luckily you didn't get any doomsday weapons (except a few times, but they were quickly taken away, which was a good thing because then you could relieve your aggressions without spoiling the whole game). The game was very well carried out for the most parts (ex. hiding in shadows) and had great graphics (close to Elder Scrolls 4?)
The thing what I missed was that you couldn't throw stuff around like in Thief so you could distract the guards. Sounds were good too, just something like you would expect, and the music created a good athmosphere. And those loading times didn't bother at much, except there were the canteen was, because you had to run around through the loading areas. The plot was very good for an FPS game just like the parts where you got the tank armour and stuff. It probably would've gone boring if the game had kept going on longer but I suppose I could've played it a bit longer if it had been just as interesting.

Sorry about the numerous grammatical errors in that review; im not very good at translating stuff from finnish to english.

HOW many page views!? 107!? Holy SHITE! It was 47 the last time I checked. And that was YESTERDAY!

Dirty porn stories really work!

However, I won't be so easily fooled, if this is just some trick. One of my friends could've just hit the refresh button several times.

So, im going to install another counter, which counts UNIQUE visits. Refreshing trick won't work on that counter.

You know, right after I told you guys and gals im virgin, the visitor numbers hopped up. Same happened after the dirty story, thought not as much.

As you may, or may not know, the goal of this blog is to help me to become an internet celebrity.

So, from this we are able to make a conculsion that to be famous, you have to write dirty stories and uncover dirty secrets. Everything dirty works.

And so, as naked as we were, I pressed myself against her body what I hold with my trembling hands. The beauty of the world was infront of me, uncovered, freed of the gaze restricting clothing. My lips slowly pressed around her teat, the soft skin of those desirable mounds pressed against my chin. I tasted her skin with my tongue, running it through every bump of her aerola, and loving every second of it. Like a baby I suckled on her breast, and looked up into her eyes. Her sweet hand petted my hair as she gazed over me like a nursing mother looks at her baby. My warm, and eager manhood pressed against her tight, pulsating as begging for entrance... And in a passing second, I thought that maybe my mom was right... Men like big breasts because it reminds them of their mothers.

And now that I have gotten your attention, how about if you bastards would throw in some comments, just so I would know WHO THE FUCK IS READING THIS SHIT! Thanks. By the way, I have turned on the anonymous posting, so that should work now too.

ADSL problem solved. By me. Im the geek. Im the god. I fixed the problem, and now I feel like my balls have dropped... Again. The problem was because of Microsoft. "Let's limit the tcp/ip connections so all those who use Azureus will kill their connection!" YEAH, RIGHT! Assfaces.

Anyway, yeah. My dirty secret. Well, im VIRGIN! Was that surprising to you? Of course not. If I can fix my internet connection, I must be a nerdy virgin with extreme perversions.

Oh yeah. My little buddy is unruined... And rotting because lack of attention.
Nah, he's okay. We handshake at times. Yeah.

Oh, I have an e-mail too. Wic dot Jamakasha at dnainternet dot net
I had to type it like that to fool the spammers. I don't want their viagra nor their Nigerian millions.

While on the subject, Google spider hasn't crawled around here. This means you cannot find my blog through google, which should explain why I haven't so much visitors.

Fucking ADSL problems. It cut me off today right after trying to post. Im pissed like fuck.

I see you tommorrow. Hopefully.