Wiku's Blog - Not Even The Spambots Like It!

tiistaina, lokakuuta 25, 2005

Douchebags and... Shit.

Wiku (5:48) :
What the hell is a douchebag? I mean what it really means? Wasn't it a medical term in the first place? Like when the doctors douche rectums, all that shit goes into a douchebag or something.
Jacobus (5:50) :
Yes, something like that. The most accurate meaning for the term is a colostectomy bag, an external plastic pouch that collects the feces of those without a currently functioning lower intestine.
Jacobus (5:50) :
Pardon me, colostomy bag. The intestine need not be entirely removed, just not be functional.

I don't want to know how he knows stuff like this.

But I tell you what I know... Shit is awful. Especially when it clings to your asshairs... I have told about this before, haven't I? Of course I have. But isn't it odd that after millions years of evolution, we humans, or even animals don't have a good, easy and most importantly CLEAN way to drop our faces? Why in earth the asshole has to be in our ASS? Ass has hairs and shit... I know animals, except lizards and frogs have fur everywhere, but I think it'd be much more suitable to have the asshole in our heels! Imagine that. No more crouching, no more strange seats with a hole, and no more sore legs and busted veins for pushing so hard! All the toilets would be nothing more than a hole in the floor. You just press your heel on the hole and push the shit out.

Better yet, why the shit doesn't come in packages? Like eggs or something. Sometimes the shit gets just too big, so having it in a tough shell would be a much better solution. You wouldn't have to wipe your ass anymore! I mean heels! Perhaps in another million years of evolution we have a human who shits eggs from his heel.

Pardon the numerous grammatical errors, but my english just ain't good at 6 am. I should go to sleep.

perjantaina, lokakuuta 21, 2005

On languages

I think the language portrays the people... French is a sexy language, and the french people are famous of their sexyness. American english is simple to learn, but weird when you get into it... Just like the Americans. British english is snobby, inbred language like the British. Swedish is musical, hard to understand language like the Swedes. Finnish is complicated, but in practice very straight forward language, like the Finns.

I think Tolkien would agree with me.

lauantaina, lokakuuta 15, 2005

Electricity

(note: This entry has been sitting on my draftboard for some time. I didn't realize to finish it and post it until now when fatboy begged me to.)

I was reading Dominic Deegan today, and in today's strip two of the characters get hit by a lighting. Now, I know that this comic uses cartoon physics like every saturday cartoon but when a guy gets hit by a lighting and doesn't die my bells start ringing.

Maybe it's because I (willingly) got too many electrical shocks when I was a kid. 13 or something. Sticking nails into a plug was my greatest hobby. Good thing I was smart enough to use paper or something when sticking the nails into the plug. Then I lightly touched the nails under them so the gravity would help me to get my hand off before it's too late. I could actually feel the flow of the electrity flowing from my arm and reaching to my chest and heart. I just knew that when it hits my heart, I'll die. Luckily it never did. Aside from getting better reflexes, the effect from the electric shock was like a good dosage of coffee. My eyelids flew open, and I felt very happy. Like I was on drugs. I got kicks from it... Which was good, because I was very depressed at the time.

I tried iron and alumine nails and felt the conductive difference between the two metals. Alumine isn't as conductive as iron, so I could hold on it longer, and the electric shock wasn't so... Well, effective.

Anyway, don't get any ideas now. Just stick to the energy drinks and coffee. I believe they're much healthier than playing with electricity.

sunnuntaina, lokakuuta 09, 2005

Black and White 2

It doesn't have half of the things you want, but still has kept me playing it for two days. My sex life with miss Fist and miss Hand has suffered because of it, so today I woke up with so strong hard-on that I needed a double handshake and alot of ice just to calm it down.

The review... Uhh, wait for it. I have to play this game through first.

torstaina, lokakuuta 06, 2005

Im proud of you son, you're a geek!

Yea... Let's talk about my mom, everybody has to talk about their moms in internet at least once. My mom has never shoo'd me off the computer, even when I was younger... In matter of fact, each time she got mad at me, instead of telling me to get out or into my room, she actually told me to go to play with my computer. That was of course, when I was younger.

My grandfather (rest in peace), wasn't much better. When I was a veeery little kid, like 9 or something, I had this Commodore 64. I got it from my cousin who gave it to me. It came with a manual, and had very good basics to Commodore's computer language called Basic. I actually coded over 200 lines of code just to get a small ball bounce around the screen, so advantaged the programming language was. But I enjoyed it, and then showed them all to my grandparents who then praised me. My grandfather (grandma was way too senile) conviced my mom that she should buy me a real computer. Computers are the future, he said. Imagine a 80 year old man saying this... In the early 90's when only a minority had actually used a computer. He actually promised to pay half of the price of the computer. My mom was still reluctant, and it took a few years until she put my oldest cousin's husband to find me a computer. That took a while too, and my grandfather died to blood cancer a day or two after the new computer arrived. I was mad at the guy because of this, I really wanted my grandpa to see the computer. The computer was Pentium 100.

Now im 21 and still living in home (a rather big shame if I cared about it) and still spend my days in the internet. Mom doesn't care because she wants me to stay and take care of her when she gets old. Too bad I have other plans. It kind of sucks to leave her alone one day, but I have to think about myself too. (And before you ask, my mom was a single parent and she isn't married.)

At times she brags when I don't go out or anything... Then I just say that sure, I can go out and socialize, hit a bar if she promises to bring me home at 2 am when im drunk. That's actually the only hobby here in the country for the teens. Besides computers. You've probably heard that Finland has a drinking problem, and well, guess what, it's true. Alot of guys I know actually have a real drinking problem in here, they don't just drink when they want to hang out, they drink because they're addicted to it. I actually once saw a friend from school, dead drunk, at wendesday, summer, 2 pm, when I was heading back to home from school. He was supposed to be in school too. He told me how he had been kicked out from two bars and wanted me to buy beer for him. He asked my age, I said I was still 17 (18 is the legal age to drink in Finland) so I couldn't help. Then he left. Later I found out he had tried to commit suicide. One guy I knew from school too, actually commited a suicide a year ago. Just like his father. I suppose it runs in the family.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. When my mom is at work, her friends keep asking about me... Usually about my friends. And then she proudly tells them how many friends I have all over the world, in the internet. And everybody is like "Ooh, aah!" and then they tell her how their son/daughter does nothing but drink all day with their friends. Now im distance learning in a virtual school (except it's not really a virtual school, because the school exists physically too) and that's another story all together. When I quit the man school (=compulsary army service) and decided to go to the gay school (=non-military service) everybody in my family, even those who were gun freaks in the army, told me that it was a wise decision. Only my neighbour was pissed because of it, loudly wondering to my mom what's wrong with the kids these days when they can't be in the army... And this guy does nothing but sleep, drink and shoot birds while the wife goes to work. A guy who has never done anything in his life is the last person to say anything about my decisions. But that's just my opinion.

tiistaina, lokakuuta 04, 2005

Drosophila melanogaster

That's the latin name for a fruitfly. Fruitfly is an inside joke for me and fatboy, because I often quote a Finnish science magazine which more than often has something about fruitflies. That's because fruitflies are the scientists' pets. They (scientists) know everything about fruitflies. Their behavioral, their genes, and what the genes do... So they've played around with the genes, creating fruitflies which can produce light and have X-ray vision. Fruitflies are indeed the most studied race in the world. Humankind knows more about fruitflies than it knows about itself.

Why? Because fruitflies are everywhere. They're easy to breed and catch. Just put a half eaten apple on the table and wait for two days. The apple will be SWARMED by these tiny little insects. Not even Raid (tm) works on them, God knows I have tried. Plus, they're small and simple so their genepool isn't very big. The only other alternative that I can think of is a tick. But who would want to hunt for ticks? Except tick catchers (real occupation, btw) who earn a bit more than a guy working at McDonald's (that was also true)

I think that's kind of sad. Sad because scientists should have much more important things to do than play with fruitflies. I think the reason why we don't have a working cure for the most deadliest diseases, is because fruitflies don't have AIDS or cancer.

lauantaina, lokakuuta 01, 2005

WIC'S UBERSHOP

Wic is my nick in the Paster Defender forums. Once a while the author writes a forum member's name somewhere in the comic. It's a sign of honor, like a Nobel's prize or something.

I was wondering if my turn ever came... I mean seriously. I have been so nice to Jennifer, giving cruel, underserved critic on every slight mistake she did, and sometimes kicking her butt just for the fun of it.

And NOW I HAVE MY NAME IN THE COMIC! IN A LOVE SCENE!

Aww! Isn't that sweet? A lesbian girl falling in love with a living pump-up doll? Oh, the romance!

Well, it's rather obivious I got my prize because of my blog. Probably because this is the only thing I have managed to accomplish in my life. Yay.

The rules of Real Life Simulation Online

ONE: 'Don't whine to be a GM.'
TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a item--any likeness of anything that is racist, or sexually offensive, or anything which makes the players or GMs sad.'
THREE: 'You shall not message the GMs in vain.'
FOUR: 'Remember the maintance day, the game will be offline.'
FIVE: 'Honor the players and GMs.'
SIX: 'You shall not PK.'
SEVEN: 'You shall not cyber.'
EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'
NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against other players.'
TEN: 'You shall not trash a player's house; you shall not harrass a player or his friends or partner, or his parents, or his NPC merchant, or his pets, or his horse, or anything that is somebody's own.'


 
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