Let's Meow Meow!

Prologue

I haven't slept much since my dog died. And I have been playing this hentai dating sim game. A dangerous combination, which you will find out.

Now, I didn't intentionally look for this game. Well, not at first anyway.

As all weird things, this started when I had this ICQ chat with fatboy. We were chatting something about Japanese and their perversions. We actually talk alot about that subject... Anyway, I started thinking that what is the most known japanese perversion in the world? Well, that is, of course, catgirls. I started looking stuff with catgirls in them, hentai movies, games, whatever.

Guess what? Catgirls aren't really that common, at least not in hentai scene. They're in matter of fact, very rare.

I was stunned. I meant WTF... Japanese rather watch dickgirls with tentacles raping schoolgirls before sacrificing them to some dark god instead of catgirls? Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. Catgirls are just way too innocent for Japanese.

Oh well. Anyway, I found this hentai game, Let's Meow Meow! I was sure it had catgirls in it. And it had. Now, at first, I was expecting dickgirls. Or at least raping. But I was wrong. This game didn't have any of them. And no sacrificing... Not a drop of blood.

I let out a sigh of relief. But way too soon...

---

The story

The game sucks. There's no animation, just some powerpoint presentation. Usually you get to make some choices on what to say to the girl, but it doesn't affect the ending. You can choose the ending by choosing your 'favorite character'. First you choose two girls, and a short while after that, one of the two girls.

The hentai scenes are hilarious. Usually there's a dirty pic or two per hentai scene, and the text is just... Awful. Now, I don't have the experience, but im fairly certain "ZRRR!!" isn't the sound you get when you push your lil wee-wee into your lil catgirl. Unless your penis is replaced with a vibrating dildo.

Music and voices save alot. Except that all the girls sound the same... Their voices are recorded by the same actress and it shows. But it doesn't matter, unless you know Japanese.

The characters and the story are the best part of the game. Also, you get the dirty pics into a gallery where you can view them later... And the skip option which fast forwards all the stupid scenes you have seen before in seconds is also good. But only works if you have played the game through once.

The cast... A thief (bunny girl, Hanabi), a maid (catgirl, name started with M), a cop (dog girl, Shinju), a priestess (catgirl, don't remember the name, started with a K) a military armamaid (a catgirl android, Koboshi) and even a human girl! (who is your landlord and a childhood friend, Nanami). Oh, then there's your boss who is also a human, bustier than all of the characters together, but you won't get to date or screw her. Aw.

The plot goes like this... You're a lonely geek who is a student and works in as a waiter at the same time. Very orginal. You also like to feed cats. Then you have a strange dream where some fat guy in a latex cat costume (the text actually describes him so) claims to be a god and promises you one wish because you have been so good to cats. Of course, your wish is a catgirl.

You get the catgirl alright, and later the rest of the cast pours in. They come from different planets, and all of them speak english (or Japanese). Fancy that.

Right. Anyway, when I started playing, I of course went after the dog girl. And got a happy ending, yay.

Then I played the game through in 20 mins with all the other characters (thanks to the skip option) just to get all the dirty pics to the gallery and see different endings. Surprisingly, you can actually have a sad ending in the game, if you choose the flat chested human girl. You can live happily with all the other girls, and kind of happily with the android. The message in this game is simple; don't date flat chested girls. Especially if they are humans.

There's nothing freaky in this game... Except for the android, Koboshi. She's interesting and freaky at the same time, but still the funniest character. If you choose her as your love, you get to open her chest and tinker around the mechanics which apparently makes her horny. Every tech guys wet dream. Oh, and the priestess is kinda freaky too... She doesn't shave her armpits and makes sure you notice it. Ew.

If you like happy endings, go with the rabbit or the dog.

---

Epilogue

This post is so frikking long so I cut it into chapters... Geeze. Anyway, although the game is innocent dating sim with some hentai in it, it's pure poison. It messes up your mind. At least it messed up my mind... Just check out my ICQ logs:


Wiku (19:49) :
I wonder if it's possible to surgically put dog ears on humans without getting complications.

Ramoth (19:50) :
why?

Wiku (19:55) :
Well, I played this "Let's Meow Meow!" hentai dating sim game. There were a cat, dog and a bunny girl and an android and a human. You can have the dog girl as a girfriend in the game. Then I started wondering how it'd like to have a dog girl girlfriend IRL. And after that I started thinking if it was possible to have actual dog ears and how many people would go for the procedure.

Wiku (19:57) :
Then I started thinking if I should be locked into a padded cell and throw the key away.

Ramoth (20:02) :
actaully i think your quite normal for a guy

Wiku (20:06) :
Really? I suppose the catgirl fetish is rather common then.

Ramoth (20:06) :
tis,

But is it really? If the catgirl fetish is so common, how come there isn't catgirl pr0n? Sure there are furry pr0n, but it's still a bit different.

Better stop blogging for now. I should get some homeworks done.

Meow.

Goodbye my loyal friend

Today, 28. September 2005, at 10.30 am my dog died. He was a shetland's sheepdog, slightly bigger than usual (just two times bigger), because of some mistake in breeding. The vet came here and let him over his misery. I watched him as he took his last breath.

I don't know what else to say. Im very tired.

Disks and movies

I have started to title my blog entries now. Go me.

Now im sure you can name at least one movie where there is this mysterious diskette, containing some super secret infromation. As usual, this 1.44 diskette has some nice 3D presentation stuff in it, so we all geeks can laugh and ask how in hell such thing fits into 1.44 megs anyway. Somewhere in the end of the movie, a guy is furiously searching his apartment for this mysterious disk. Then when he realizes someone has stole it, the thief appears in his doorway with a smug grin on his or her face and waves the diskette in his hand. "Looking for this?" he asks.

Even movies have to follow their time, and soon the mysterious diskette changed into a mysterious mini-cd. The contents still had mysterious super secret information, with 3D presentations or not. At least the mini-cds really have enough memory for 3D presentations, so we geeks can let out a sigh of relief. The plots of the movies however, rarely change, so we still have this guy furiously searching his apartment for this mysterious mini-cd, and then the thief appears in his doorway, waving that mini-cd in his hand. "Looking for this?" Oh, yeah.

But now we have these memory cards, which can have even gigs of memory capacity, and still they ain't bigger than the nail of your thumb. So, now we have this same guy just as furiously searching for this super secret memory card with super secret information in it, when the thief appears in his doorway. The man stops his searching and turns to look at the thief. The thief takes out an envelope and a pair of tweezers, carefully pulling the small memory card out of the envelope with the tips of the tweezer. "Looking of this?" the thief asks. The other man slits his eyes, he can't even see the memory card. So he steps closer and almost touches the memory card with his nose. "Oh yeah." he says. "That's my card!"

Hello again.

Space Rangers 1 and 2. Play those games.

Im playing Space Rangers 1, and it's like... Just as good as Alpha Centauri. It's like Alpha Centauri mixed with Freelance, and some of the good retrogames. And text adventures. With a very good AI. Dynamic, random world each time you play. Both realtime and turn based. Space Rangers blends it all in, and the outcome is extremely delicious.

Im having serial orgasms, so I can't type a good review right now. Sorry.

Frag Dolls, more like Good Looks.

And that's the topic of today, which comes a year too late. Sorry about that. Fag Dolls tend to be old news but, well, who cares. I was googling around, trying to find the article where one of the dolls say that Drag Dolls are the pioneers of girl gaming or something like that. Walking proudly in the frontline, showing the way to the rest of the geek girls.

That was probably the happiest day of my life, because I had never laughed so hard.

I mean seriously. Have you seen the pictures of those girls? I have seen uglier porn stars. In matter of fact, this page explains my view of Frog Dolls pretty well. Except I would do them all, the two pale girls in the front exluded. Im just not into pale girls. Although im a pale guy.

I don't know how they plan to be the pioneers of girl gaming. What is there to prove? That you can be a hot geek girl? That playing FPS doesn't make you ugly? Seriously.

Anyway, I cut the chase and direct you to this page instead. It's a year old editorial entry of a mother of two who is also a girl gamer and tried to join the Drug Dolls. When you have read it, scroll down to the end of the page, and go to the forums. You will see a Brag Doll, Valkyrie, trying to explain that all girl gamers she has seen are hot (which is because a) rest of the gamer girls which ain't so hot are too afraid to post their pics, or b) the pictures ain't really theirs) and that Ubi Soft hired them because of their gaming skill only.

Nobody believes that. Not even me.

At this point, I was going to explain how the girls are just being used as baits for geek boys to buy Ubisofts' games so they'd try and impress the girls with their gaming skills. And how the Frag Dulls were hired mainly because of their looks; the gaming skills are nothing but sugar coating.

But then, well... I found this. I'll quote the page:

Female gamers 18 and older in the United States interested in participating
in the open call at PAX should bring their video game resume and a few
photos (these can be color photo copies) and are invited to take
advantage of an onsite videotaped "audition" to help their selection chances.
The video tape segment, which is not mandatory for consideration, will consist
of a one-minute taped response to the question: "Why should you be a member of
the Frag Dolls?"

Apparently, pictures of yourself prove your gaming skills. Im surprised they didn't ask for nude pics, just to prove that you're a woman.

I rest my case. Ubisoft just made this too easy for me.

I promised I wouldn't talk about penises anymore. Well, I won't. Kinda.

I just want to say that forget all the things I said about it, and read this guy's page instead; http://www.penissizedebate.com

It took me 10 pages to understand how wrong I was, and how right the guy was.

So, as much as I hate to admit, my friend Sap was right. Size does matter.

Oh man. I made beef jerky today. It was tasty.

But you know, you shouldn't eat beef jerky too much, because it is, afterall, dried meat. It'll dehybrate in your stomach and then you'll be full... Real full.

I noticed this. It felt like I had eaten a sponge. I was sure I was dying, my stomach was going to brust open in any moment. I figured that if I die, I should at least taste some good coffee-chocolate smoothie. Now, there's a recipe for this, if you google 'coffee smoothie'. But in that recipe, they use instant coffee granules. Now, of course this is a matter of taste, but I think those coffee granules in the smoothie are like sand or something. Just EW! Who would like to eat coffee granules? So, to make this smoothie less... Granule... I modified a bit. And behold, Wiku's Chocolate-Coffee smoothie!

To make the coffee ice cubes, just make some good coffee, and pour it into those ice cube bags and freeze.

Ingredients:
1 cup skim milk
2 tablespoons sugar (or equivalent of sugar substitute, optional, if you use sweetened cocoa powder.)
2 tablespoons hot chocolate powder (I use the kids' stuff. The sweet, light brown hot chocolate powder. But you can use dark cocoa powder, if you like the taste. I don't, so I haven't tried this with dark cocoa powder.)
Seven coffee ice cubes

Stuff them all into a blender. Full speed for 1-2 minutes or less, kinda depends. Anyway, it's ready when all the ice have been shattered into snowy substance. Serve, and enjoy.

I achieved the seventh level of nirvana with this stuff... It's just so good. The aroma of the coffee blends into the smooth hot chocolate and soft milk. It soothed my stomach in seconds, and im fairly sure it cures cancer too.

Today begins a "blog like normal bloggers" week.

So here's my normal blog post of today:

"I forgot to shave this morning."

Coming up next; what does vanilla ice cream taste like!?

(In other news, I shouldn't have posted that sexual education post thing. Now my friend, Sap, is like "The size does matter! My girlfriend said so!". Im going to hear this all day.)

Great day today!

First of all, you can find me now at Google!
Secondly, the famous transsexual Jennifer Diane Reitz said that she likes my blog. That means im now officially internet's z-celebrity! Jenny does online comics. Unicorn Jelly was my favorite one; http://www.unicornjelly.com/ and the newest cartoon, Pastel Defender Heliotrope; http://www.pasteldefender.com isn't too bad either.

Now all I need is to get mentioned at OMGJeremy.com and I will be internet's y-celebrity! To get to D class, I need to get mentioned at somethingawful.com. To get to B class, I have to get slashdotted. I don't know what it takes to be A class internet celebrity. I may have to do some porn.

Oh, well, let's continue about penises. This is the last post about penises, but that wasn't a promise. So, men like to watch porn with men who are bigger than them. Why? Don't we get jealous? We don't. Because, when watching porn, we identify ourselves as the guys banging the sexy chick. And we like to picture ourselves as handsome folk with big dicks. Simple as that.

That's it. No more penises. The end. Go away. Nothing to see here.

Whoah. My feminist mom almost forced me to blog how all men are nothing but a little help in baby making and the ones with bad genes should be castrated. And kept as pets and workhorses.

Okay, I lied. My mom doesn't speak english, so there's little chance she'll find out how demented her only son is. Except she already knows. Right.

I shall continue about penises now. Now, where were I? Oh, yeah. I was telling you guys how you shouldn't worry about the size of your penis. Women really don't give a shit. The only thing they care about, is how you use it. And how you use the rest of your body! Let's keep the women's anatomy in mind here. With us guys, the only 'erotic zone' is our penis. Nothing else matters, as long as the penis feels good. Now with women... Women are much difficult. They have those boobies. Nipples. Highly erotic zones. Some women can even come by only fondling their nipples, and many get close! And then there's the clit. The clitoris is actually atrophic penis, but try not to think of that while having sex. Unless you're a bisexual or something. Anyway, that's the sex spot. Forget the mythological G-spots, if the scientists have troubles finding those, chances are that you won't find them either. Clitoris is much easier to find. Im not going to post a picture here, you should've watched enough porn to know where one is. It's just above the hole, okay? Now, I believe, if you find a way to fondle the clitoris while you're screwing her, do it. I have heard that brings them into Heaven. Cock in the hole, fingers on the clit and mouth on the nipples... And you can't go wrong. Don't forget the lips either. Women like kisses, for some odd reason.

But before you get to the action, you should remember foreplay. Chicks need foreplay. It's waste of time to us men, I know, but women are like ovens... You gotta heat them up before stuffing the meat in. The price of this hassling is, that even when you turn the oven off, it still remains hot for a long time! I'll get to this in a moment. Okay, now foreplay is, basically, showing to your girl how much you want her. Now it's time to forget those stupid dating rules. Go ahead and let your lusty look glance over her mammaries, those wide hips, and then slowly into her eyes... Give her a smug grin to let her know that you're a bull on stroids and you'll take her even if her father would step in with a shotgun. And then start fondling... Have a good feel of those previously mentioned erotic zones and see how she reacts. You can either ask her, with a whisper if she'd like to take you inside, or just wait until she reaches for your penis. Also, let the women undress you, so you can undress her.

Also, while having sex, listen to her body, the shakes the moans... Find what she likes the best. Women are invidual, some like your tongue on their breasts, some prefer hands, for example. If she leads your hands somewhere, take the hint.

Righto. That's all I have read about the mating habits of humans. Here are some important tips.

For men: Don't squeeze the breasts too hard. Have fun playing with them, but leave the glass breaking squeezes off.

Secondly... If the woman comes (which is hard to know, because the woman can fake it, unless you know she can ejaculate, and I have told only minority can), don't worry. Like I said, the oven is still hot, although you'd turn it off. The sexual period on women doesn't stop on wall after orgasm as it does for us men, so just keep humping her until you come too. Women are famous of their serial orgasms, so who know, maybe she'll come too.

For women: Jesus, girls, you got it easy! I can tell you, you have to screw up alot to prevent the man from coming. There are two things though... First one is the sac. The balls. Treat them right, and they can be a source of extreme enjoyment for the man... Treat them wrong, and the pleasure turns to pain. Real pain. The man's balls are like his ego. Treat them with silky gloves. And for God's sake, don't crush them! Picture them like eyeballs in a sac. Cup them, GENTLY, and lick them, but don't squeeze. Unless you know for sure your man is a masochist. Then it's another story.

Okay, that's all. Next time I enlighten you why in earth men like porn where the guy is bigger than he is.

Secondly, be a woman. Not a pump-up doll! Move, moan, grab his ass, do whatever, as long as you don't just lay there and let the man do all the work! Otherwise the guy thinks it'd be better to have sex with someone else.

Feel free to reply to this topic, correct me, or be a certain friend of me, called Sap, and tell me that I don't know a shit about this since im a virgin. And possibly tell me how much you have gotten laid. Or something. I read them all.

Im still not in Google. But then again, I think I don't want to be. Google is rather shady on privacy.

By the way, none of us is going to Heaven.
Here's a proof... 10th commandment; 'You shall not covet your neighbour's house; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour's.'

That includes penises. Therefore, no men shall go to Heaven, unless you're a Christian. Then all you need is to accept Jesus in your heart. When the doomsday comes, you just say to the Christ, "Im sorry I envied my neightbour's big penis." And then Jesus says, "Okey dokey, you ain't the only one. You get to Heaven. In Heaven, nobody has genitals anyway. Sex is a sin you know."

If you're a non-christian woman, you're in shit. Everybody knows the second name of envy is woman. "That woman is prettier than me!", "That woman has prettier clothes, jewelry, man, whatever!" Yea, you get the picture. You're all going to Hell.

Right. Im not very religious anyway. At all. In my view of the afterlife, nothing happens. And that sucks.

Anyway, back to the topic. About penises. Here's a picture of a penis; http://ratearod.com/pics/pic/youngnsoft.jpg in case you don't know what they look like. Nice hair-do on that one.

First of all, I'd like to state that my penis is much bigger and prettier than yours.

So. Penises. Penis means different things to a man than to a woman. Men want to have a big penis. Women wish that they'd learn to use it instead. Avarage size of penis in the states is six inches. In the world it's 5,5 inches. Now nobody can't say that six inches is small. Except me. I have seven inches. Screw you, you small penised pricks! (That sounds weird.)

Almost all men think that women want big penises. Since men like big breasts, women must like big penises. Makes sense, right? Wrong. Not nearly all men like big breasts. Women think big penises are a turn-on, but sure as hell they don't want one inside them. I mean jesus, it HURTS!

Okay, my mom is coming back from work, so I gotta continue this later. I don't want her to see this kind of shit. BRB!

Sheep. I have a theory about sheep.

This started when I saw this video clip, which was, btw, made in Finland, where two guys poured somekind of lube all over their head, and then sticked their heads into the sheeps vaginas. It was... Interesting. I asked a friend of mine on ICQ, who also happens to be a sheep crazy that why in earth ewes have so scretchy cunts. She replied that it's because rams are so big.

Somehow, I doubt that a ram's penis is as big as a guy's head. If it is, poor ram. Or should I say poor ewes. Out of curiosity, I have collected information about sheep.

- Sheep have no gag reflex
- Sheep have no upper teeth

Now I want you to think of a blowjob. And then, onto the next facts.

- Sheep have soft wool, which softens the impacts
- Sheep have scretchy vaginas
- A ram gets an erection each time it sits down
- Rams are big down there
- Google pictures show that all farm animals like to hump sheep

Think of sexual intercourse.

See where im getting? Sheep are the ho's of animal kingdom. They have scretchy vaginas not because the ram is big, but because even very big horses would be able to mate them. You can take a sheep roughly without pain, because they have soft wool. Like fellatio? No problem. Sheep have no upper teeth and gag reflex, so all those troubles you probably went with your virgin girlfriend, ain't going to happen with sheep. Also, the mating season of sheep starts around January and ends August. So when your woman has gotten cold for the winter, sheep are hot like hell. If you happen to be a woman (or gay) and your man is late in work, fear not. Rams are ready 24/7, all you have to do is to sit them down. And no fear of small penis either.

As for other animals... Well, let's take the horses for example. Mating season for equines last 15 days. After that, no humpy humpy for the stud. That's why there are ewes.